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Not Dead Yet.
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Jan. 8th, 2008 @ 08:35 am The Poser Man always Knocks Twice...
I awoke 20 years ago heart broken again a fitful night of sleeplessness dreaming of the first and bad endings and my lack of memory reigns in the sleepy state between awaking from a dream and in the dark. I'm back where it all began and for a moment I was in my 20's just stepped back into the role like the Pretender does and missing someone like it just happened but then the light of day tells the truth I look around and see my better half and my extra safe house I built.

The wheel is spinning me in it's never-ending, never-ending, same same same old story now years later safer but still living with ghosts.

Send in the Skeletons.

I've been pondering my mood swings I've had since I was ten. The feeling they refer to as depression that last for hours days weeks or months at times impossible to describe to the lucky that do not have this monkey scratching their backs and you learn coping skills and life goes on if you can just do that first step and get up from the static and move and that is the hardest most important step to take when you find yourself in that place.

Break the Cyclic thought the basis of Psychotherapy voice your thoughts Out Loud as you speak to the Doc and you hear them almost as a third person does, you can see how your thoughts and behaviors appear to others and you do this subconsciously and baby steps by step order returns a balance between the important, seemingly important, and the trivial worries of life you release the thoughts held tightly in and feel lighter.

The only point of the Therapist to be there at all is to gently steer the topic on it's course but subtly without taking the ships wheel from the captain but more like controlling the direction of the wind.

BAT21 had no map.

He just eyed things up and sent it down
the fair way.

Hard to say how it will resolve...

The Pretender….
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