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Not Dead Yet.
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Jan. 6th, 2008 @ 01:51 pm What a Difference Sleep Makes.
A whole week of thinking and doing made me tired as could be yesterday it's like prolonged pain sapping your strength to stay upright all the day and move and then as usual in My OCD way near the end of the day way I realize Another day's useless energy's has been spent and what is real not imagined as that Cold-hearted orb that rules the night and removes the colors from my sight passes over head and it's gone can't get it back.

Another day.

To really be OCD is to push yourself to the point of exhaustion and then begins the vicious circle of not sleeping from the stress of a lost day then being too tired to function the next day and losing yet another and another and that is the cycle you need to step out of look at yourself from a fourth perspective and step away take a break it's so hard to you have to force yourself to but that is the only way out.

I'm being pressured a tad to get on Disability not forcefully but I do get asked a by relatives if I have considered it but I've always worked just never made much money because as soon as I had enough to buy another tool to let me do even more work there it went sometimes I wonder how I got to be so old in such a casual manner and sure I built the house I can look at the money I saved between having to pay someone to have built it for me let alone I would have needed a loan spread out over 30 years to do it and I say hey I made good money but reality is my actually Income is zilch and I'd get a max benefit of $205 a month according to Social Security although I would get insurance it seems pointless since I'd have to argue that losing your short term memory is really as restricting as it is in terms of actually producing an income.

That was the biggest reason I fired my Attorney so long ago she was not going to argue that my wages should have been based on the money I saved building the house myself and remember this was against one of these built let us help you build it yourself kind of places.

Irony, I was always curious how their attorney was gonna dispute that one but then as I said reality and no one takes you very seriously after you hit your head and you get a lot of nods of agreement from people that aren't really even listening.

It takes a lot of getting used to waking up changed.

I had a point to all this honest but I'm lost so back to my story of last night I fall asleep and I'm wondering if I've annoyed someone for some reason that I can no longer recall but then it made me think I have a lot of people to thank for putting up with me because I know to live around a OCD takes a lot of getting used to and I can see myself changing in the past I'd have my days planned way in advance and to interrupt me even with a days notice seems to ruin the entire day but in reality it's not that big of a deal at all and never should have been so I find myself more relaxed as I should be sorry it took so long to come around and thanks for the trip to the ER for getting my doctors attention life will go on and so I took a break yesterday half asleep cause I could see the Cycle I needed to break and I went to bed early but stressed and may have almost lost my patience around 4 am after the wife woke me up for the third time and I try and explain to her 2 hours plus 2 hours plus 2 hours equals not 6 hours of sleep and what a stupid time discuss that anyway but the caregiver showed up pretty close to on time and I got to sit in the whirl pool for an hour and not think a thing and then suddenly I came up with a plan.

Take a photo of the task of the day, post it in the morning and then post one at the end of the day regardless of whether I finished it.

An actual plan!

I am resisting the urge to redo my video attempt instead decided to locate the top of both desks in the computer room and the floor.

There's a bed in here somewhere to, but I intend to set reasonable goals.

Next Task

Two Desks Buried

Where is the Floor?
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